I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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