Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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