I murdered the dance floor call the cops
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
