You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
