Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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