i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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