I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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