this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
