why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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