after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You are a genius and a whore.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
