I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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