He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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