He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
