and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
