I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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