They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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