i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize