well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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