We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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