i can't believe i had my finger in that
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
