You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
