I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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