did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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