I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
