her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
