carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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