Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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