Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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