You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
