Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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