I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
