I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
