my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
