Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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