There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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