if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
