that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just high enough for therapy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
