i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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