Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
