just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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