how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize