You can't special order awesome
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
