BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Randomize
