It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
