Your face is a jimmy john
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm really busy with my period
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