Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
