she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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