Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize