I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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