I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
