im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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