fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
