I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In other news, I just burned my penis
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
