Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize