He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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