got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i dont even know how to be here
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
