Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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