He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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