I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize