Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
