we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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