OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
