We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
