There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She bit a glass in half.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
