I got chris browned last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
