I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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