I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
People in love make me want to vomit
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
