$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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