You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
