Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
