Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
