I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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