once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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