allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
