I want to make a zoo with you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize