I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
sarcasm needs its own font
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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