if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
