ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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