If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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