Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
