Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
