I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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