Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
