Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
