I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
