My first STD was from a foam party
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
