Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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