well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
