just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize