I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
