Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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