My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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