Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
