the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
