did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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