Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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