My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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