I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
