non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
