saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
