Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
