I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
