I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize