If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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