If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
