so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize