I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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