"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
