sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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